Let’s just admit it: the two best things about Costco are the socks and the heavy cream.
(Beau and I went to Costco yesterday, not because we truly needed anything from Costco in order to survive Christmas, but because we were in town anyway and I just wanted us to experience a warehouse jam-packed with frenzied holiday shoppers. I wanted to see if the reports we’ve heard of Christmas craziness were accurate. And you know what? Because we were there for fun, the experience was more comical for us than stressful. I would recommend it to anyone. The only problem is that even though we didn’t really need anything, we still spent about $300. Can one walk through the doors at Costco without spending $300?)
As I filled our cart with supplies we didn’t really need — including a birthday present for the baby’s upcoming birthday (in March; now just to hide it for three months) — I seriously wavered in the refrigerated dairy room. Over the din of carts crashing together and babies crying and wives speaking snidely to their idiotic husbands, I heard something:
The heavy cream was whispering to me.
I’ll have you know that I have declined one of my all-time favorite treats — heavy cream with coffee and sugar — since my alleged gallbladder issue reared its ugly head a while back. Declining is most easily accomplished, of course, if I don’t keep cream in the house. But I have missed my coffee treats since I started avoiding them… oh have I missed them, some days more than others. Then, a few days ago, the thought crossed my mind that I should treat myself to just one (super-sized) cupful of creamy java goodness on Christmas morning. I mean, it’s Christmas! And I have been a very good girl! Holly jolly! There’s already a packet of Bucking Horse Blend coffee beans from City Brew in Beau’s stocking. Now I just need some heavy cream to complete the recipe and make my Christmas complete.
There I was at Costco. I was ready to buy. Unfortunately, the heavy cream at Costco (their heavy cream, by the way — I’m sure you already know — is unrivaled by any other brand I’ve encountered. So thick and glossy and sweet and, well, creamy… oooohhhh!) only comes by the half-gallon. Of course. We’re talking about Costco, after all. I guess we can just be glad it doesn’t come in two-gallon packs.
There in the dairy room as holiday insanity swirled all around me, the angel on my right shoulder and the devil on my left had an argument:
Angel: Tam, you don’t need a half gallon of cream in the house.
Devil: But I deserve a treat on Christmas morning.
Angel: But you don’t need a half gallon of cream to make one treat. Buy a smaller carton somewhere else.
Devil: But this right here is the best cream ever, and my treat won’t taste right if I buy another brand.
Angel: Say you buy it and make your treat. What’re you gonna do with the rest of the cream?
Devil: I won’t consume it. I’ll freeze it.
Angel: I’m not sure that’s even a real thing.
Devil: I could give it to somebody in need.
Angel: Nobody needs a half gallon of cream, especially not this time of year.
Devil: I’ll have you know there are needy people everywhere! Sometimes right under your nose! And you don’t even notice because you’re selfish!
Angel: If you take it home, you know you’ll just keep working on it ’til you’ve drained the whole carton by yourself…
Devil: And would that be such a bad thing? I work hard to stay sane. I deserve treats. One treat a day for a couple weeks isn’t going to kill me.
Angel: But then you’ll have another gallbladder attack. Or maybe a heart attack. Or a stroke. Your arteries will be clogged! And you’ll have only yourself to blame.
Devil: You always have to bring that up. That happened one time! One time!
Angel: You have to start taking care of your body. Remember, a moment on the lips, two days later a trip… to the emergency room!
Devil: I’m not one of those people!
Angel: You already are! Remember? Wouldn’t you be embarrassed if you had another gallbladder attack and ruined everybody’s Christmas and then had to explain to the doctor it was because you’d swallowed a half gallon of cream?
Devil: Well, I guess if that happened, at least I’d have something to write about. People get tired of reading about birthday parties and rainbows and puppy dogs!
In the end, predictive of the time-ending battle the Bible tells us will come in the future, the good angel won the battle. I didn’t buy the cream at Costco.
But I did make Beau buy me a package of socks. Not for Christmas. Just because I deserve them.
Our friend Stacey swears that if he was rich he would wear a brand new pair of socks every day.
I think he’s on to something.
I’m wearing a new pair right now. And I feel good. Just sittin’ here at my ‘puter, tappin’ out a tale and not drinking my imaginary coffee treat.
Merry Christmas from the Blake house!
© Tami Blake